Friday, July 25, 2014

July's Joyful Moments (Part IV)

Treat children with respect and kindness. Interact with them mindfully. Help them learn how to make thoughtful choices rather than impose arbitrary rules. These are some of the basics of my parenting philosophy, largely come to through reading and practicing the ideas found in radical unschooling discussions. It sounds fairly basic, if quite a bit out of the mainstream, but it's not easy. It takes a lot of self-awareness to move beyond snap reactions and power plays as a parent to free-spirited children, and of course, I don't always stay in a state of mindfulness, so I make mistakes and apologize and try to make better choices. Isn't that what we want our kids to learn how to do, too?

 Sometimes, it takes more work to engage and talk about and find meaning in the choices that they make than it does to say, "because I said so." How they learn to make meaningful choices in the younger years can set them up for a lifetime of thoughtfulness and the ability to learn from so-called mistakes. It also develops a relationship of mutual trust between the parents and children. If they can come to you in the younger years with issues and struggles and be met without shame and judgement, they will be infinitely more likely to come to you in the older years when their issues and struggles will be larger and scarier and have more potential lasting impact. 

With that being said, here's the final bit of blog catch-up pictures, up to Camille's 11th birthday!
garden goodness

zinnia

tree huggers 

dragonfly

picnic

skatepark (again)

lazy summer snacking

running on a dirt road



 The only thing Camille wanted for her 11th birthday was day-old ducklings and goslings. Well, we had to get them earlier in the season and they're starting to get big now. Happy birthday to my animal-lovin', nature-hikin', thoughtful, strong-spirited daughter!!!




Here's Camille's duckies in action:


Ayla's wheelbarrow 'garden'

Camille didn't want an actual birthday party this year, but on the weekend before her birthday some friends came to visit overnight and the next day we all went to the annual summer bash at our other friends' cranberry farm. It was a weekend of celebration all around!

enjoying music, marshmallows and friends around our fire pit



a pair of swans at the cranberry bogs

floating a little raft made from sticks, bindweed, and a grape leaf

swimmin' hole


'sleeping' in the hammock

big sisters and little sisters

evening time music jam

On Camille's actual birthday, she opted for a relatively quiet day at home. As we always do on birthdays, she could have chosen any food all day from the grocery store, garden, or a restaurant. She choose oatmeal with organic heavy cream and fruit for breakfast, a garden salad with black beans, roasted sunflower seeds and Caesar dressing for lunch, homemade popsicles (made with yogurt, frozen fruit, and juice concentrate), sea salt and pepper kettle chips, and barbecue ribs and Amish-raised chicken on the grill for dinner, and a vanilla frosted gluten-free cake. 

Had she chosen nothing but Oreo cookies and Pizza Hut buffet, I would have enthusiastically supported her birthday choices, but when children are raised with a huge degree of food freedom and options, they tend to find a healthy relationship with food choices and body awareness. No food coercion or shaming going on here. She declared it the best birthday ever (as I think she has every year).


 eleven candles


Inspired by this week's nature scavenger hunt, Ayla and Sylvia painted rainbows and gave them to Camille for her birthday. 


Sylvia used Queen Anne's lace flowers for a paintbrush. 



Wow! It took four full blog posts just to catch up on the last few weeks. I do so enjoy chronicling and sharing our happy moments (when I'm not too busy to do so), but just in the interest of balance, you know my life is as messy as anyone's, right? Just in different ways, perhaps?

So, yes, our July has been busy, beautiful, and joyful. Yes, my living room is often a disaster. Yes, my garden is always weedy. Yes, my laundry pile is often enormous. Yes, a family of five living on one income is a squeeze. Yes, we watch TV and eat junk food sometimes. Yes, we have been mosquito-bitten, wasp-stung, sun-kissed, bare-footed, sister-squabbled, exhausted, awe-filled, over-heated, and pond-drenched. It's not all joyful moments. It's a full, loud, dirty life sometimes. Isn't that what summer is for?

6 comments:

  1. your photos are really bright and nice to look at :) my kids would totally choose oreos and pizza hut :( we do not have the food thing figured out for sure. You are lucky to have the garden you do. i'm sure that helps. We have to do better. I have been making my fair share of parenting mistakes lately. I feel like shit sometimes. my husband and i have been arguing about the house and how messy it is and then i go and take it out on my kids. i'm struggling for solutions. right now my solution is to get rid of clutter in the home. make the house very very simple. we will see how things go i guess. i find inspiration here at your blog so thanks for that.

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    1. Megan, I think we all feel shitty about our parenting struggles sometimes. I know I do. Continuing to seek solutions and to think hard about what we can change for the better takes a lot of mindfulness, but definitely isn't always easy. I see you doing that and I see your kiddos beautiful smiling faces on your blog. You are doing something right. Best of luck with de-cluttering :) I think we could use some of that around here as well.

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  2. A Happy Birthday to 11 year old Camille. I love your duck pond!

    You are very right about building that trust between your children while they are small, and yes it does take lots of hard work but it's oh so worth it when they can trust you with their big problems. All those small problems are preparing us, the parents too for when those bigger problems arise. Mistakes help us grow and are examples of us not being perfect. That we too are still always learning. That is what I want my children to see and know. That I don't have all the answers yet I strive to do the best I can. :)

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    Replies
    1. Yes. This.
      "That we too are still always learning. That is what I want my children to see and know. That I don't have all the answers yet I strive to do the best I can."

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