I'm going to go off on an uncharacteristic rant. Because, well, I'm just having one of those weeks that tumbles you under, and I know we all have them sometimes. None of the things that are overwhelming me are monumental but they've just added up and wow! I'm having a hard time being the parent/person I want to be.
Ayla has taken to screaming loud and often. The kind of scream that used to be reserved for "I've climbed up on the kitchen table and I can't get down. Get me now!" is now used for "I'm awake", "I want what my sister has", or "the puppy is looking at me funny" or one of hundreds of other sensations flooding her body. I'm hoping it's quick-lived teething and not a new prolonged phase. It's wearing me down.
Sylvia has taken to answering questions with a response halfway between cryptic and sassy. I should probably stop asking her questions. If I ask her what she wants for snack and she wants string cheese, she might just yell, "stringer, pinger!" or say, "I'll give you a hint...string ch-". It's all in the tone of voice.
Camille proclaims that she still loves school, but she's taken to random bouts of wanting to lash out at her schoolmates 'for no reason'.
The big ol' rooster has started to rush at and attack the girls now that his ladies are laying, so Sylvia's scared to go outside.
With so much effort gone into big house projects lately, the day-to-day housework has me feeling swamped.
We've also put a lot of money into the house, and well, it's a bit tight now.
My general energy level seems to be waning with the colder, shorter days.
And I will not underestimate the effect hormones undoubtedly have on my mood as well.
Amidst all these feeling of irritability there is still crafting, and drawing, and singing Christmas carols, and folding and cutting umpteen paper snowflakes, and bedtime stories and snuggles, and helping a four year old learn how to sew with a needle, and building fires, and hauling in wood and... and.... So, if I find myself shouting, "just kick the rooster," or hiding in the bathroom for five minutes eating champorado (my new favorite comfort food), I'll just try to by kind to myself, apologize if I need to, accept where I'm at, and know that while finding the positive is a good thing, sometimes just looking squarely at what's bugging you can go a long way towards moving past it. Thanks for hearing me out, I somehow feel a teeny bit better already.
Oh yeah, and I'm posting this at 2:00 in the morning. Can't sleep either.