Wednesday, November 3, 2010
a moment of self reflection
I think I was nearly in my thirties, when I fully realized that I was, for no good reason, pretending to be more stupid than I really am. Not often, and not intentionally, but nonetheless dumbing myself down. It started in elementary school, and definitely escalated through junior high and high school. I was naturally a "brainy" kid, who got very good grades, and actually thought calculus and chemistry were fun. I was not, however, very self-confident and these are not qualities likely to foster easy friendships and camaraderie in school. Anyway, I noticed myself, out of years of habit, still doing this in my adult life. Of what possible benefit (social or otherwise) could there be to acting like a slightly dumb homeschooling mama?
There are times I am socially awkward. I am often distracted and lose my train of thought (hmm, caring for 3 young childrren), and sometimes I am just plain awkward with my words (my thoughts tend to originate in pictures, patterns, and emotions and then need to be translated into words), but I come by these things honestly. I am no longer feigning a "ditziness" that is not mine.
Undoubtedly, there are schooled children who do not feel these pressures, or who respond to them with more confidence, but I hope that by raising my daughters in an environment of radical acceptance and positive interactions, that they never feel pressured to dumb themselves down. I know they will go through phases and try on different attitudes, but I am confident that they will feel comfortable to express who they truly are.
Posted by cfgyexy6464 at 1:45 PM